I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
