i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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