Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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