8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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