dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
