I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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