goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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