see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
