About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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