I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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