My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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