Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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