last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
