Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
