Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
When are your genitals available?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
