just tell him i said nine months
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
