Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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