the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
