Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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