Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
