Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
