we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
