you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
