I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
