when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
