Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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