You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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