Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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