It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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