I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Randomize
