had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
