Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
