I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
