dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
