Just fell off a train. Bad.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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