Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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