Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
