who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
