I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
