"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
