He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
