shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
