I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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