it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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