is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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