I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
