Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
