Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
