So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
