She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
