my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
