remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
