We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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