I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
